[Dumb Work]
All cRap hErE!!!Fastest Thing
2007-09-28
A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to s**t so he crouches down on the grass and does his business.Just as he is finishing he sees a policeman walking towards him.
He covers the s**t with his hat. When the policeman arrives he asks the man, "What have you go under there?"
The man replies, "I just caught the fastest thing in the world."
The policeman says, "Let me have a look."
The man replies, "As I said, it's the fastest thing in the world. If I take the hat off it it will get away."
The policeman tells the man, "Take the top hat off and as soon as you do I will catch it."
The man replies, "OK if you insist."
When the man lifts the top hat the policeman tries to grab it and gets a handful of s**t.
"What's this?" he screams at the man. "I told you it was the fastest thing in the world." the man replies, "But you sure scared the s**t out of it."
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Farmyard Noises
2007-09-23
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Teacher enters the classroom and asks the grade two students to learn some farm yard animal noises so they could perform them at the school assembly.
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The Refrigerator man
2007-09-16
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!'' ''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.''
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A Proud Indian
2007-09-14
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.There is, however, one exception.
A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian.
"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."
The teacher is now angry.
"That's no reason", she says loudly, "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile.
"Then," says Gita, "I'd be an American."
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Women are difficult
2007-09-12
If you kiss her,
you are not a gentleman
If you don't,
you are not a man
If you praise her,
she thinks you are lying
If you don't,
you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes,
you are a wimp
If you don't,
you are not understanding
If you visit her often,
she thinks you are boring
If you don't,
she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed,
she says you are a playboy
If you don't,
you are a dull boy
If you are jealous,
she says it's bad
If you don't,
she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance,
she says you didn't respect her
If you don't,
she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late,
she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late,
she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man,
you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman,
"oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while,
she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often,
she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street,
you lack ethics
If you do,
she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman,
she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men,
she says that they are just admiring
If you talk,
she wants you to listen
If you listen,
she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful... ....WOMEN!
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FELICIA
2007-09-11
Felicia has a winter in her spring.Each day the frost within her meets the sun.
Loving isn't easy when a child
Is tended by a rabid dog gone wild.
Closeness means the torture has begun.
Icy though her heart, it yet will sing
As slowly tears just melted through her run.
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DClick Ads
2007-09-11
If you need to Maximize your Internet Advertising Traffic, Dclickads is the possibly the best solution for it.DClickads is an internet advertising and marketing service connecting advertisers (buyers of ad space), and webmasters (publishers of websites), with one another in a fast and easy to use method.Dclickads connect advertisers and webmasters with one fast and easy platform. The publishers can set their own terms. They can sell advertising space on monthly, weekly or per click rates. The advertisers can choose the one that best suits them. There are there distinct features that set this new site applicable to advertisers and webmasters; it can take any type of ads, it is direct linking technology and advertisements are run on smart cache distribution.
What makes the text link ads,graphic banner ads and embedded line ads being sold by Dclickads different?Well, for one thing, you can get a classic banner ad, embedded links, or a text link ad - most of the other guys only focus on one or the other. And ads placed are directly linked, which is better for SEO, which is the whole reason I’m looking into this.
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Breast Stroke
2007-09-10
There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.
After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight.
"What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead.
"There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette.
"No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait. Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view.
Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde, "What took you so long?"
"What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!"
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"WITH YOU LIFE IS SWEET"
2007-09-09
Life is so sweetbeing at your side
wrapped with in your arms
and lost in your eyes,
Breath of life
air that I need
to stay alive
the only deed,
of you I ask
love me forever
love me intense
and forget me never
'cause my life with out you
woul be incomplete
your my inspiration
you are what I need.
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An Entrapment
2007-09-07
My love, I have tried with all my beingto grasp a form comparable to thine own,
but nothing seems worthy;
I know now why Shakespeare could not
compare his love to a summer’s day.
It would be a crime to denounce the beauty
of such a creature as thee,
to simply cast away the precision
God had placed in forging you.
Each facet of your being
whether it physical or spiritual
is an ensnarement
from which there is no release.
But I do not wish release.
I wish to stay entrapped forever.
With you for all eternity.
Our hearts, always as one.
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A Special World
2007-09-07
A special world for you and meA special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.
Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.
And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.
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Cell Phone Reviews
2007-09-06
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Then check out this site where you will get the the latest cell phone reviews.This site has good quality review of moblie phone.
You can check the review of the latest mobile phone launched by Apple i.e. "Apple iPhone".
you can find a lot of mobile phone reviews, like Nokia N95 or Samsung Blackjack. By reading the reviews, you could make your mind on what mobile phone to choose.
So visit TestFreaks.com for the latest and highest quality reviews
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Brazilian Wax
2007-09-06
The things that women do to stay as hair-free as possible can be pretty amazing at times. My girlfriend, Geraldine, is one of those who are blessed with hair in abundance. And all in the wrong places, lol. As for me, i’ve tried many kinds of hair removal methods. I shave, i epilate, and yes, i do wax too occasionally. Armpit, hands and legs…. these are three main areas i perform hair removal on. To some, it can be a time-consuming affair. For me, i enjoy every moment of it. I love to hog the bathroom and take my time shaving my legs, arms and ummmm…. intimate areas.
Although time-consuming, i love the feel of my hair-free skin; so smooth, so soft. Almost like a baby’s….. almost. I cannot shave in a hurry as i tend to be clumsy and get nicks and cuts. And IF i were to nick myself “THERE”, it’s gonna hurt like hell. My friend askedme why dont i just go get a Brazilian Wax done instead. Geeeee…. i can only imagine the pain involved. But she told me it lasts wayyyyy longer than a shave and oh-so-smoother. The pain all depends on the skill on the person who performs the Brazilian Wax on me. The faster, the lesser the pain.
This thought has been lingering in my mind for quite a long time. So, what does one do during beazilian Wax session? Lay there with legs wide opened? Let the therapist apply warm wax to my intimate and tender area and have it all yanked off at one go?? Geeeee…. sounds so scary. But the temptation and lure of baby-smooth skin is just too much to bear. I’ve read all about Brazilian Waxing Guide at hairremovalarea.com and now, i’m ready to embark on my very first Brazilian Wax experience. So, i think every woman ought to give it a try, YEAH!!!!
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Claudius Movie Rights Bought by Scott Rudin
2007-09-06
September 5, 2007--Producer Scott Rudin has acquired screen rights to the Robert Graves historical novel "I, Claudius," for $2 million. It's expected that "The Departed" star Leonardo DiCaprio, and Oscar-winning scribe William Monahan will be attached.DiCaprio has no deal in place, but the actor just worked with Rudin on the DreamWorks drama "Revolutionary Road." Rudin hasn't yet set the picture at a studio, but it may land at Disney--where he has a deal--and it could be made with Miramax and Touchstone. Rudin will produce with Alison Owen, with whom he produced "The Other Boleyn Girl."
Several studios fought for Graves's famed book about the Roman Empire as told through the eyes of Claudius, starting with the rise of Augustus Caesar to emperor in 24 B.C., and ending with the crowning of Nero in 54 A.D. The book featured all the attendant backstabbing, violence and debauchery that was part and parcel of the Roman ruling class.
Warner, Universal and Working Title were after the book. The movie rights held by Jim Sheridan had lapsed, and RWSH's Nick Harris and Graves' estate rep AP Watts brought the book back into the marketplace on behalf of the author's estate.
The BBC turned Graves's novel into an Emmy-winning 13-part miniseries in 1976, with Derek Jacobi playing Claudius, a man who hid his brilliance behind a stutter and a limp but wound up outsmarting his rivals to become emperor in 41 A.D.
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Why can't I be cast in roles like Smita Patil: Rakhi Sawant
2007-09-06
Mumbai, Item girl Rakhi Sawant, who has signed a new semi-autobiographical Broadway-style Bollywood musical called "Balti Devi: Queen Of Southall", is looking for an image makeover.
"If I want I can make people weep like Meena Kumari. I live in India and I do feel uncomfortable with my image sometimes. Whatever I've done so far is because the public demanded it. It's the public that's undressing me," Rakhi told IANS in an interview.
"Heroines send me SMS messages asking why I dress up the way I do. What right do they have to question me? Why can't a nice clean film like 'Swami' click? And why can't I be cast in roles like Smita Patil? Even she did hot scenes," she added.
Her much-touted stint in "Buddha Mar Gaya" died a quiet death.
Talking about the film, she said: "I'm made to behave and dress in a certain way because of who I am. I was pulled up for making love with older men like Anupam Kherji, Om Puriji and Prem Chopraji in 'Buddha Mar Gaya'. If I did the same way scenes with Shah Rukh Khan, people would applaud."
Rakhi's semi-autobiographical musical will be directed by the legendary Shammi Kapoor's son Mickey Kapoor, who earlier made "Sambar Salsa" and "Don't Stop Dreaming".
"Balti Devi" is the story of a poor Southall girl who dances and sings her way to stardom.
"It's a story almost like Rakhi's own. And she's so perfect for the part. I couldn't think of anyone else. Rakhi gets to sing and dance. She's the male Govinda and this film showcases her aptitudes," said Mickey.
All said and done, Rakhi loves the media attention.
"Even when they write wrong about me I've no complaints. Like they wrote that I'd bring my own clothes from home for 'Buddha Mar Gaya'. Not true at all. In fact, I was really uncomfortable in the red gown where almost my entire breasts were revealed.
"I used to quarrel with my director every day about the clothes. Everyone on the sets ogled at my breasts on the sets. I'm shameless otherwise. But sometimes when people ogle I do get uncomfortable. I am a woman, after all."
What Rakhi wants is to be a housewife.
But she confessed: "I don't want to get married. I've struggled so much to get where I am. What will I do after marriage? I want to establish my boyfriend Abhishek. I'll make him a star. You watch us in 'Nach Baliye 3'. Although I've big problems with my back and knees, I'm doing this show only for Abhishek.
"People will forget 'Nach Baliye' and 'Jhalak Dikhla Jaa'. They'll only talk about Rakhi and Abhishek. So far I've danced to other people's tunes. Now I'll dance to the rhythms that run inside me. I want to become world famous. In fact, I got an international offer for which I learnt English. But I refused it."
She also wants to be known as an all-rounder.
"Watch me in Mickey Kapoor's film and also in Suniel Shetty's production. I want to be known as an all-rounder, a girl who can dance, act and also make mincemeat of all the competition in a reality show."
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MARINOVICH BUSTED AGAIN
2007-09-04
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Dumb Wisconsin Laws
2007-09-03
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SuicideGirls
2007-09-03
SuicideGirls are unique, strong, sexy and confident women. Is this you? Well, fill out this application and you just might have a shot at it, although we ain't promising you anything. SuicideGirls encourages women of color to apply. We aim to be a more diverse site, and we need your help!
In addition to being paid for your photosets, there are all sorts of perks just for SuicideGirls! You'll get free membership to the site, the coveted pink SG panties, stickers and other goodies from the shop. Your journal will reach millions of people, and you're free to advertise your projects, events or art.
Just from being featured on SuicideGirls, girls have been hired to appear in music videos, tv shows, radio shows, film and music festivals, fashion shows, countless magazines and advertising campaigns.
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Dedicated Virtual Server Plans
2007-09-02
Nowadays, it’s really hard to find high-quality virtual servers these days. VR.org is a leading provider of Virtual Servers that utilizes only the best hardware, software, network and reability in manifestation of the company’s philosophy and passion for excellence. High performing Virtual Servers supported by virtualization technology VR.org offers Dedicated Virtual Server Plans for a very low price for a dedicated server.
Virtual Servers allow you the flexibility of customizing your server settings as if you were renting a dedicated server but since you are actually sharing a server with other users you pay much less. Virtual private server plans are usually priced just a bit higher than shared web hosting.
Moreover, VR.org accepts all major credit cards, PayPal and other online payment systems for all orders.
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Discout Click
2007-09-02
Do you want more traffic for your website? Do you want a higher rank on search engine results? If so, you may find DiscountClick a helpful place. It offers SEO services, Ad services and Email list management.Discountclick makes it possible to achieve recognition on the internet with the help of their extraordinary trends and developed technology. The biggest advantage is that they make their services available to you at an affordable price. Their keyword tracking report is tested and working out to be very effective.
With all these services, DiscountClick could be your ticket to getting the traffic you need to have your site gain importance online and in the search engines. Their strategy is to bring not only search engine spiders to your site, but people who will purchase your products and services as well.
So check out the DiscountClick website to find out what you are missing out on if you don't hire an SEO consultant.
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The Boob Tube
2007-09-02
Have you ever noticed that all television 'families' never purchase more than a quart of a milk at a time? I saw a commercial tonite for a new show and the family (of 5) was passing around a quart of milk! Granted not every aspect of television is well thought out and realistic, but good grief is there not a producer or prop guy out there that knows that nobody with any size family ever buys a quart of milk! Even the lactose intolerant folks have half-gallons of soy concoctions these days.
I think the same people that are in charge of the milk is also responsible for getting 'newborn' babies when needed. Ever notice that the bulk of 'newborns' are atleast 3 months old. Is there some sort of infant child labor law I'm not aware of? For goodness sake if you must have a 3 month old atleast get a small one!
Why even watch television, you ask? Because I like it. I read a lot too. But I need a regular fix of TV to boot. I've never hidden the fact that I particularly like 'reality television' but there's one show out there that has really been bugging the heck out of me lately, that show would be VH1's 'Rock of Love'. For those who have never seen it, it's Bret Michaels (lead singer of metal wannabe band Poison) on a quest to find the right woman to 'rock his world'. The cheese factor for this show is off the charts, it's kind of the white guys version of 'Flavor of Love'. Basically there's 20 or so girls (and yes most of them were either in diapers or pre-school at the height of Bret's career) fighting for Mr. Michaels' attention. Now I try not to judge people, and I have the same gripe about other shows of this caliber, i.e. The Bachelor, but I cannot figure out what kind of a woman would be content going on 'group' dates and taking turns playing tonsil hockey with a washed up musician? I remember single life pretty well and I recall there was ample competition all the time, I simply can't imagine crawling in the back of a limo and waiting for my 'turn' to sit by a man. On my worst day I wasn't that desperate.
Remember, I want to watch television. In fact I would love to work in the industry, if I did you can bet you wouldn't see any quart cartons of milk on the breakfast table, nor would you see any 15 lb. newborns, AND Bret Michaels would be working his ass off to impress a woman!
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Wife and Whisky
2007-09-02
A drunk walked into a bar crying.One of the other man in the bar asked him what happened.
"I did a terrible a thing"sniffed the drunk."just a few hours ago I sold my to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."
"That is awful"said the other guy."And now that she is gone you want her back Right."
"Right"said the drunk,still crying.
"You are sorry because you sold her because you realised too late that you still loved her."
"Oh no who the hell wants to love her"said the drunk""I want her back because I am thirsty again.0 Comments | Link to This | Back to top
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